TEN DEADLY SINS OF
COLLEGE
COMPOSITION
James J. Cochran
In grading hundreds of cases and other written assignments, I have
noticed that some errors of grammar and composition occur repeatedly. Commission
of these mistake detracts from the content of your writing. They make you appear
sloppy and lead your reader to question your credibility and level of literacy.
The most commonly committed errors include:
1.
The Sentence Fragment
- A partial or incomplete thought, such as a subordinate clause or a phrase,
that is used as a complete sentence.
Example:
Joey looked longingly at the dessert. Like a man who hadn’t eaten for
days.
Revision:
Joey looked longingly at the dessert,
like a man who hadn’t eaten for days.
Fragments
frequently occur when the writer composes in a conversational manner. While this
is acceptable in some forms of composition, the conversational style is
generally not considered acceptable in business writing. If a composed sentence can not stand alone, it is usually a fragment.
2. The Run-On - Two (or more!) complete thoughts written as a single sentence without separation.
Example:
John went to the ballpark to buy tickets for tonight's game, however,
they were sold out.
Revision:
John went to the ballpark to buy tickets for tonight's game.
However, they
were sold out.
Run-ons
generally occur when the writer carelessly composes his or her sentences (often
when two independent clauses are connected by a transitional
expression/conjunction such as nevertheless, moreover, nonetheless, or however.
However,
it is important to realize that the length of a sentence has nothing to do with
whether a sentence is a run-on or not; a run-on is a structural flaw that can
plague even very short sentences.
3.
The Comma Splice & Fused Sentences - A particular type of run-on
sentence in which two (or more!) complete
sentences are linked with only a comma.
Example:
Jane was intelligent, she could do well in any endeavor.
Revision: Because Jane was intelligent, she could do well in any endeavor.
or
Revision: Jane was so intelligent that she could do well in any endeavor.
or
Revision: Jane was intelligent. She could do well in any endeavor.
or
Revision: Jane was intelligent; she could do well in any endeavor.
or
Revision:
Jane could do well in any endeavor, for she was intelligent.
Fused
sentences generally occur when the writer carelessly tries to compose complex
thoughts into a single sentence. If a composed sentence can easily read as two
complete sentences, it is usually a fused sentence.
4.
Lack of Agreement
- A verb and subject (or pronoun and antecedent) that are either not both
singular or not both plural.
Example:
Neither of my children ever ask for permission to go to the park.
In this sentence Neither is the subject of the verb ask. However, Neither is singular while asks is plural - thus the lack of agreement.
Revision:
Neither of my children ever asks
for permission to go to the park.
The confusion arises because the writer thinks the subject is children, which is plural. However, children cannot be the subject of the verb - it functions as the object of the preposition of (of my children). An object of a preposition can not serve as the subject of a sentence. In this sentence Neither acts like an indefinite pronoun (which always take singular verbs), implying neither one of the children.
Example:
Buy your new car from XYZ Dealer, where honesty and integrity is promised.
honesty
and integrity are two separate characteristics and so comprise a
plural list, while the word is is singular.
Revision: Buy your new car from XYZ Dealer, where honesty and integrity are promised.
Example:
Each of the companies had their books audited.
In
this sentence the antecedent is the singular Each and the pronoun is the
plural their.
Revision: Each of the companies had its books audited.
Lack
of agreement generally occurs when the writer carelessly composes his or her
sentences. Pay close attention to the verb and its subject(s) or a pronoun and
its antecedent(s) in each sentence.
5.
Inconsistent Tense
- The tense of two (or more) verbs in a
sentence are not in agreement.
Example:
Finishing the exam, Holly arose and left the room.
In
this sentence the verb Finishing is present tense while the verbs arose and
left are plural.
Revision:
Having
finished the exam, Holly arose and left the room.
Inconsistent
tense generally occurs when the writer carelessly composes his or her sentences.
Pay close attention to the tense when you have multiple verbs in one sentence.
6.
Poor Parallelism
- An awkward lack of grammatical balance in the formation of lists, series, and
compound structures in a sentence.
Example:
The wealthy know nothing of disease, those who are poor, and hunger.
In
this sentence the listed disease, those who are poor, and hunger are grammatically imbalanced.
Revision:
The wealthy know nothing of disease, poverty,
and hunger.
Poor
parallelism generally occurs when the writer tries to put a great deal of
information into a sentence through the use of lists or series. Pay close
attention to the grammatical structure of nouns in a list or series.
7.
Dangling Modifiers
- A clause or verbal phrase that does not logically and clearly refer to another
word or phrase in the sentence.
Example:
The picnic passed quickly, eating food and playing softball.
In
this sentence the phrase eating food and playing softball does not clearly
refer to any other word or phrase in the sentence.
Revision:
The picnic passed quickly as
we ate food and played softball.
Dangling
modifiers generally occur when the writer carelessly attempts to add descriptive
phrases to a sentence. Pay close attention to the reference structure of phrases
in a sentence.
8.
Redundancy
- Overuse or needless use of words.
Example: She was very perfect.
He is totally and completely the best player on the team
Perfect is perfect - the word itself implies no room for varying degrees, and thus is not in need of an intensifier like very.
Revision:
She
was very
perfect.
Example: He is totally the best player on the team.
Again, the best player is the best player - the phrase itself implies no room for varying degrees, and thus is not in need of an intensifier like totally.
Revision:
He
is totally
the best player on the team.
Example:
At ABC Company, we value both hard work and initiative.
Most
of us understand that hard work and initiative are two separate
characteristics - we do not need the word both to confirm this.
Revision: At
ABC Company, we value both
hard work and initiative.
9.
Inexactness and
Imprecision - Use of a word or phrase
that does not correctly convey the writer’s intended meaning.
Example:
Ed was willing to pay for dinner, and his wallet was empty.
In
this sentence the conjunction and conveys continuance of the phrase Ed
was willing to pay for dinner. The phrase his wallet was empty is
obviously meant to contrast the phrase Ed was willing to pay for dinner.
Revision:
Ed was willing to pay for dinner, but
his wallet was empty.
Example:
Joan’s argument made Albert feel impelled to cooperate.
Revision:
Joan’s argument made Albert feel compelled
to cooperate.
Imprecision
generally occurs when the writer is careless or tries to stretch his or her
vocabulary. Spend time reading your composition once you feel it is completed.
Also avoid using words that do not convey exactly what you mean (use a
dictionary). Especially avoid excessively pretentious words and phrases.
10. Split Infinitives - Insertion of an adverb clause that results in an awkward division of the an infinitive (the word to plus the root of a verb, i.e. to run). An infinitive is said to be split when a word (often an adverb) or phrase sneaks between the to and the root of the verb that combine to form the infinitive.
Example: Sara hopes to quickly finish her statistics assignment so that she can go to the movie with Jack.
This sentence
contains an infinitive (to finish) that has been split by the adverb quickly.
Revision:
Sara
hopes to finish her statistics assignment quickly
so that she can go to the movie with Jack.
The argument against split infinitives is that the infinitive is a single unit and so should not be divided. This reasoning dates back to Latinate grammar and the attempt to model English grammar on Latin (England, 18th century). In Latin, infinitives cannot be split because they are one word (e.g. to love=amo). Since you cannot "split" one word, some of our 19th century grammarian forepersons were trying to imitate the Latin as best as they could. For reasons obscure to us today, they decided that use of the infinitive should conform to Latin usage, thus they demanded the infinitive must not be split. One fact that these grammarians didn't explain was that in Latin, the infinitive is only one word and cannot be split. However, English is not a Latin-based language and only borrows partially from Latin, so the rules of Latin grammar cannot be imposed on the English language without creating awkward situations. Therefore, if it makes more sense to split the infinitive, by all means do so. However, most modern grammarians do not care, and split infinitives are not technically considered "wrong" by today's grammatical standards.
The Oxford American Desk Dictionary (October, 1998) says that the rule against the split infinitive can generally be ignored, that the rule "is not firmly grounded, and treating two English words as one can lead to awkward, stilted sentences." ("To Boldly Go," The Hartford Courant. 15 Oct 1998.) Opinion among English instructors and others who feel strongly about the language remains divided, however. Today's dictionaries allow us to split the infinitive, but it should never be done at the expense of grace: writers would be wise to know their audience's (i.e. instructor's or boss's) feelings on the matter. they still considered by some to be a sign of sloppy composition.
This is, without a doubt, the one 'flaw' in composition that almost anyone can (and many will) spot. Because it aggravates so many readers and is so easy to spot, good writers (at least in formal composition) avoid the split infinitive. Why risk antagonizing your reader and jeopardizing your credibility?
Split infinitives generally occur when the writer carelessly attempts to add descriptive clauses to a sentence. Pay close attention to the reference structure of clauses in a sentence.
Conclusions & Parting Remarks
Most
of these mistakes are due to over ambitiousness (an attempt to include too much
content in a sentence) and carelessness (lack of attention in composition and
proofreading). If you practice good grammar, the skills will eventually become
second nature to you. To minimize these mistakes and begin practicing good
grammar, you should:
plan
what you want to say;
organize your thoughts into a cohesive flow;
think
about how to give greater emphasis to your most important points;
think
about how to convey your exact meaning in a coherent manner as you write;
consider
ways to introduce variety into your composition;
use
a good thesaurus and a good dictionary; and
critically
evaluate your final product (i.e., proofread).
Examples of Poor Grammar in the Press and in Public Speaking
Here are some examples of extremely poor grammar. These examples are taken from broadcast political speeches and newspaper, magazine, and journal articles. My intent is not to make fun of the offenders, but rather to demonstrate how poorly bad grammar reflects on its users.
"Who cares whether the Maniax or the Hitmen win as long as the camera angles would make Oliver Stone dizzy and the cheerleader close-ups suggest that not all this country's silicon finds its way into computer chips." Tim Cowlishaw (Sports Columnist), Arrival Of XFL Is Death Knell To Civility, The Dallas Morning News (page 18B, 2/11/01).
Three issues with Mr. Cowlishaw's statement:
1. Inexactness/Imprecision - I believe that silicon is used in the manufacture of computer chips, while silicone is used in the other application to which Mr. Cowlishaw refers (enough said).
2. Sentence length - this looks more like a paragraph than a single thought. Considering his audience (sports fans, a group to which I obviously belong), he needs to break it up.
3. Gender Insensitivity - his silicon analogy is particularly disturbing considering that it appears in a column about the erosion of civility in our culture!
...and this man writes for a living!
The negative adversarial comments you get is like water off the camel's back." Dallas Stars forward Blake Sloan speaking about fan criticism of teammate Eddie Belfour, Belfour Flops In Return, The Dallas Morning News (page 7B, 1/13/01).
Whoa! Mr. Sloan had a slew of problems in this sentence.
1. Redundancy - the last time I looked, adversarial comments are negative.
2. Inconsistent Tense - comments is plural, is is singular.
3. Imprecision (???) - badly mixed metaphors - water rolls off a duck, while the last straw breaks a camel's back.
...don't make stereotypes about athletes in general or hockey players in particular!
Selected Bibliographic Citations
1.
Hodges, John C. and Whitten, Mary E., “Harbrace College Handbook,”
Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., New York (1977).
2.
Hubbs, Janet, English Coordinator, Ocean County College, e-mail Correspondence
(November 2000).